Some can find hope simply through a sense of shared experience. By sharing my story maybe I can bring hope to others and help with an anxiety attack.
I worked hard and I played hard. Life was fun. I had a good job, good pay, had the freedom to do what I wanted and simply enjoy living life. My life looked good from the outside.
One day I hit the wall. I started crying and couldn't stop, for no apparent reason. I went into panic mode and couldn't control myself experiencing this extreme anxiety. I couldn't understand what was happening. I felt weak and felt like a failure.
I put up with these episodes for a number of months. Thinking it was just overwork and exhaustion. However, these attacks didn't go away and I was still having trouble keeping control at times.
During the day I maintained my job. I managed to find the ability to act and look the part, to achieve what I had to do at work. Come time to go home, I could hardly walk. I would have to get someone to help me down to the car. I would collapse on a Friday evening and not be able to get out of my bed again until Monday morning when it would all start over again.
I reached out for help from my doctor. I started seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication. Some medications worked, others did not. Unfortunately I had forgotten what it felt like to feel normal. So often I would "put up with" medications that didn't work, and not ask for something else to try. If you are taking medication but still feeling bad, demand to try something else. The right medication can make a difference.
Some days I was simply not on this planet! My mind would just not function. Whilst some people suffer from not being able to get to sleep, I was the opposite. It was so hard to stay awake. I would easily sleep 14 hours if left alone. My body was unresponsive and physically I was sometimes unable to even walk the short distance to the letterbox.
Eventually I had to give up my exciting career, my international travel, my success at leading a team of people. I had to focus on getting that help with an anxiety attack.
Frankly I had lost all hope and nothing interested me any more. My sole purpose was just getting through each day.
Eventually I started seeing a counselor. We seemed to work through every issue I had, but nothing major seemed to have triggered my anxiety and depression.
Life was exhausting!! We didn't do anything, we didn't go anywhere. We couldn't.
Eventually I started doing some programs which helped me and I found the strength to slowly, very slowly find my way back again. I had spent so long with this anxiety and pain that I'd think that I was back to normal, and then find months later that I was feeling even better again. You almost forget what "normal" is after a while.
During the worst moments of this illness, you can loose all sense of hope for the future.
Eventually you may find some relief taking medication. And this will help you feel hope that things can or are starting to improve, that there is a chance that you will get through this.
Hang on to this hope. Hope that things are not totally as bad as you think. Hope that somehow you will emerge out of this. In seeking help - you will eventually emerge out of this!
Hope gives us faith in the future. Hope that good things are to come.
Too many people with bad anxiety and depression have no hope. They feel there is nothing worth living for. That there is no future. Do something today - take action - find someone to help with an anxiety attack.
It's too hard to try and fix this on your own. You need to seek help. Help comes in many forms - medication, psychologists and help programs.
With the right help life can be good again. It's a challenge and you've got to work your way through it but it can be done.
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